I Arise...

(^-New Year's Eve 2008-^)

During our long term assistant meeting in November, Jenn chose a new year reflection for our faith sharing.
It struck me that, for the Church, a new year starts at the beginning of Advent, and so we end up celebrating two new years.
This time of newness allows for some considerable reflection on the year that has passed. For me, this year (as so many other years) has been incredibly rich. It has been filled with great joys and great struggles. It has been a year of growth and love.

In reviewing 2009, I thought that I could use a slightly adapted version of Jenn's reflection as its basis:

I Arise in the New Year

I arise with amazement at the presence of the Holy One.

Certainly, the presence of the Divine in my life has been present throughout the year. I began 2009 with a week long meditation and yoga retreat in an ashram in a small village in Tamil Nadu, India. I spent much of the week reflecting on mysticism in world religions, non-attachment and seeking the Divine within.

I arise with gratitude for life.

Certainly, each year is a testament to my gratitude for life. I am thankful for so much - my time abroad, the ability to come home and share the darkness in my partner's life, the opportunities that have presented themselves at just the right time. I am thankful not only for my own life, but for the lives of so many others with whom I had the privilege to cross paths with this past year. For Keith who was there in Bangalore to listen at just the right time; for Christopher and Chikku and Theresa and Georgie who openly shared their lives with me for just brief moment; for Kathi who reminded me of the possibility of instant human connection; for Amil whose life I celebrate every day; for Chris who showed me the true compassion of an honest homecoming; for Jenn who sat with me in the depths of my despair; for my Mum and dad whose hearts have proven to be so strong in so many ways.
How could I not give thanks for this 'wild and precious life'?

I arise with hope that all shall be well.

Certainly, throughout the year, there were a number of moments when hope seemed dim. Or perhaps, when the idea that things would be 'well' was questioned.
Maggie's response for a sore belly or some other affliction is to state 'No well, no well' - certainly the hope for the year to come is that our sore bellies, and any other afflictions will be healed, and all shall be well.

I arise with courage to meet what will be difficult.

Every year seems to bring its own difficulties. The ending of 2008 into 2009 I found myself wandering in a new country, a new culture, a new community. This (I will not lie) was difficult. In fact, learning to live within a new context was incredibly uncomfortable.
Finding myself underneath a different set of stars proved to be a very difficult task (as it always is!)
Leaving that to unexpectedly return to Canada was difficult.
Finding myself homeless, and lost within the darkness of a Canadian winter and the illness of my loved one was difficult.

Making the decision to give up a summer of musical theatre in order to honour my commitments and relationships was difficult.

2009 proved that I was given the courage to deal with those difficulties, I can only search for more in the year to come.

I arise with conviction to do what is life-giving.

In June, I was called to step into a new role in our L'Arche community. Since then, I have spent a great deal of time asking myself and others - "What is it that gives you life?"
In 2009, life-giving moments for me were quite small and delicate...
...precariously crossing the street in Bangalore (risking life and limb) to visit a jewellry store with Theresa

...sharing uproarious laughter with my sister in a far-off, foreign land

...celebrating the 80th birthday of a man who deserved gala celebrations

...lying in the grass on our front lawn

...kayaking in the cardigan river

...having 5 of my truest, greatest friends stand by my side during an incredibly important moment

...being surrounded by an overwhelming contingent of friends and family for our celebration of marriage

...speaking true and honest vows to the love of my life

...duck hunting (or rather, watching) with my big brother

...and so many more...

I arise with eyes ever alert for beauty.

2009, as with so many years has been filled with so much beauty. My desire, is to continue to have eyes to see it - wherever and in whatever form it appears.

So much of the beauty in my life exists in the smiles of friends and family; the warm affection of loved ones; the open arms and remembrance of my name when I return home.

I arise with openness to greater truth.

Openness. 2009 opened me in so many ways.
It opened me to new responsibilities (in my role as Coordinator of Assistants and a member of the Leadership team), new ways of living (our move from a L'Arche house to a home of our own) and new commitments (our brand new marriage).

I have also been challenged in my commitment to many different relationships - to find a good and true way to be a contributing member of my family; to be honest in my friendships and to be creative in finding time and different ways to be together.

I arise with desire for continued transformation.

Jean Vanier often speaks of the transformation that takes place within L'Arche. Indeed, the longer I live in this community, the more I see how my heart has been transformed.
This year, through my relationships with people like Cathy, Maggie, Chris, Buddy and Coralee, I have learned that there are so many forms of home and that we belong to each other.

I arise with compassion for the hurting ones in the cosmos.

My Indian experience opened my eyes to another piece of the cosmos. I was touched by the family in Bangalore city that welcomed me at 9:30 at night into their tiny home and wouldn't rest until they had fed me masala dhosa and chai until I couldn't eat any more. I was touched by Albert - an assistant at Asha Niketan- who kept only 200 rupees of his salary and sent the rest home to his family.
2009 also introduced me to Pippa (and her great vision) Pippa's Place, and Erik Thomas - a sweet little boy in Nakuru, Kenya who is a constant reminder of our ability to affect small changes in our world.
I can only hope that the year ahead brings me more lessons, and gifts me with a greater propensity for compassion.

I arise with grief still settled in my spirit.

The grief of 2009 perhaps roots itself in the grief of 2008. Angela's death continues to walk along with me - as I reflected on the difficulty she would have traveling around India, as we celebrated her life on the 25th of May, and as I listed to "Au Claire de la Lune" sung in 3 part harmony at our wedding reception. While the 'year of magical thinking' is apparently complete, that grief remains.

I arise with a sense of kinship with all whom I love.

The celebration of our wedding on 5 September was a major landmark of 2009. The sense of kinship, the sense of love that we felt amongst our families, community and friends was unparalleled. The support of my parents, brothers and sisters who traveled from far and wide and celebrated joyously reminded me that I am truly blessed.

2009 allowed us to celebrate with others whom we love - with Savannah and Todd, Sarah and James, I give thanks for their commitments to each other and the beautiful and honest relationships that they model so well.

I arise with respect as others mentor and deepen my vision.

In November, I attended two national L'Arche events - our National Assembly, and our HR Conference. In early December, I attended our Regional Assembly. Throughout each and every one of these events I often sat in awe and considered my good fortune in throwing my lot in with so many incredible, inspiring people.
The conversations that I had only deepened my commitment to this life that I am living and made my desire for increased depth even greater.

I arise with happiness, knowing that I am invited to live life fully.

The word 'happy' entered into many conversations in 2009. Perhaps, because I didn't feel 'happy' very often. But this is perhaps only because life had so many more layers than those that would allow 'happy' to suffice in its description.
The year was full. There was discomfort, peace, worry, frustration, despair, anger, loneliness, hope, and great joy.
The contrast of this range of emotions does not indicate negativity and positivity, but rather the depth and the breadth of which I was able to live this year.
Fully.

I arise with love for the Holy One, my Intimate Companion.

As I wandered through 2009, the journey continued. The search for vocation, for understanding of myself, my relationship with the Divine and my place in the world is an ongoing one. The journey continues.