Thoughts from here...

After much anticipation, I have a arrived.
It has been raining, but today the sun began to shine - a very hot sun.

Bangalore is a crowded city, with broken sidewalks and neverending traffic. Asha Niketan is a lovely oasis that exists within the chaos.
The people are good, kind and patient, and slowly I am figuring out the daily routine.
The recent events in Mumbai have been unnerving, especially as a foreign national; but it is all quite a distance away, and I am safe. 100 million thank you's for your thoughts, prayers and notes of concern. Of course, we continue to pray for those in Mumbai.

Ashita (an assistant from Delhi) took me clothes shopping yesterday, so now I don't stand out as much. Not surprisingly however, I continue to be stared at, and two of the young men at the house played a game today by finding all of the white people in the newspaper and showing them to me!

It's hard to believe that I've made it to India - almost dreamlike.

Love from Bangalore...

"And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - T. S. Elliot

Tomorrow, at 13h50 I will fly to Bangalore India.

Even just writing it makes me stop and wonder how I made it to this place in my life.

If you've met me over the past few months, you've heard how India has always been one of my dreams.
In Girl Guides, when it came time to dress up as someone from a World Centre, I always chose Sangam, the World Centre in India.
I've owned a sari since I was 12 (a beautiful red one),

I took veena lessons while I was in university and I even tracked down an Indian woman to give a group of friends and me a lesson in Indian cooking before I left Kingston.
I can't tell you exactly what enchants me about the country. Perhaps it is that there is so much about it that to me is unknown.
Certainly, I've always been drawn to the colour, the music, the food and the overwhelming history that the country holds.
And in some way, I hope that living abroad, looking at the stars from a different angle, will help me on my journey.

And here is my challenge.
Tomorrow I leave Canada with no expectations, only an open heart.

In India, I found a race of mortals living upon the Earth, but not adhering to it, inhabiting cities, but not being fixed to them, possessing everything, but possessed by nothing
Apollonius Tyanaeus quotes (Neo-Pythagorean)

“When we light a candle at midnight, we say to the darkness ' I beg to differ'”*

It seems so often in life that in order to truly understand and appreciate the 'light' in our lives, we must also see some 'darkness'. It is only by contrast that we know the two are different, and it is only by living through times of frustration, sorrow and loss that we are able to truly honour love, joy and times of celebration.

It would be somewhat remiss to not acknowledge the pain of the last year, particularly at Korban House where I have shared life for the past 2. The sudden and harsh leaving of Robert, the sadness of Michael's illness and death, and the grief of Angela's sudden death that continues to linger in my life.

However, in this season of celebration I would like to share some of the light that has helped shed the darkness from our home. Her name is Coralee.

In truth, Coralee should be writing this article; she is an intelligent, well-spoken young woman who is well aware of herself and the people around her. I am thankful that she has allowed me the privilege to tell some of her story and to try to explain what she means in my life.

Coralee has been a part of L'Arche Cape Breton for a number of years - working at The Ark Store while she was in high school and after graduation. She is originally (and proudly) from Washabuck, the daughter of Leo and Edie and sister of Lindsay. She also has a large extended family, something you realize the moment you leave the house and are met by an onslaught of greetings from people who know and love Coralee.

Coralee moved to Korban House the day after I returned from a two month 'leave of absence' from the community. We both faced challenges; she, that of leaving home for the first time and me, that of welcoming someone new into my home and into my heart.

“No, this is how it works,

you peer inside yourself

you take the things you like

and try to love the things you took

and then you take that love you made

and stick it into some one else's heart

pumping someone else's blood

and walking arm in arm

you hope it don't get harmed

but even if it does

you'll just do it all again”**

And so our relationship began, slowly, tentatively, we got to know each other. I learned that Coralee loves a good joke, hates to be misunderstood or disregarded, and, more than anything is an incredible teacher in the importance of 'just being together'. She is fiercely independent, loves a good cup of tea and will never forget an important date, appointment or the need to check the answering machine when we get home. In return, Coralee learned how important it is for me to have someone ask 'How are you?' (and she does it on a regular basis), she learned that I have a fiery temper, a passion for honest laughter and warm hugs and that I love to sing and dance in silly places. And we learned our commonalities - we both come from loving families who found it difficult for us to leave home. We love to talk about our parents, and return home whenever possible. We also learned that it was through that love that we have been able to become independent women - open to new people and new relationships.

In a short period of time, Coralee has truly brought life and light to Korban House. You can hear it in the loud laughter of Buddy Payne as he reaches down the table to tease Coralee at supper time. You can see it in Rod's calm as Coralee speaks openly and sincerely with him about music and asking how his day went. You can feel it in the house, that just a few months ago felt so empty and so terribly lonely, and is now slowly being filled with the warmth and glow of a home that truly welcomes people, and shows new members of our home what it means to share in the celebration of life together.

*Graffiti on Queen St. W wall as quoted by Mary Jo Leddy

**Regina Spektor 'On the Radio'

Anne always remembered the silvery, peaceful beauty and fragrant calm of that night. It was the last night before sorrow touched her life; and no life is ever quite the same again when once that cold, sanctifying touch has been laid upon it.
-L.M.Montgomery

Ma Chandelle est morte - my candle is out

         Truly the darkness lingers. During the past few days, we have seen the night. We have spoken of emptiness, of ‘blackness’, of utter sorrow, of brokenness. We have asked questions, we have told stories, we have sung songs, we have held close together. And yet, the darkness lingers.
         I keep searching for my light. I keep searching for the woman who was always able to tell me ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s going to be all right. The don’t be sad.’ I keep searching for someone to tell me with utmost certainty “Maybe, the be the heaven, the angels, the be the God inside me, maybe the be home.”
        I keep searching for the woman who delighted in a good hug, a nice back rub, the opportunity to sit together and talk; the woman who loved so much and felt so deeply; the woman who pushed me to the brink and then helped me regain my balance and find joy in relationship, in love that ‘trusts and delights in all things”, in pure light.
        But I realized, as I sat in the dark last night, surrounded by candles as we kept vigil, I was truly privileged to have even known such light. And, in truth, I could only understand the light because of the darkness. Let me tell you about my friend Angela.
        Angela was born in Cheticamp in July of 1979. She was the first of two daughters to Bernie and Dorine. Angela was born with a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy, found only in the Acadien population. She wasn’t expected to live past the age of 5. However, Angela was rarely interested in the expectations of other people. Angela moved to the SOS Children’s Village and then, in 1998, she found home at L’Arche. She graduated from high school in Whycocomagh, and shortly thereafter she began work at the Workshop. She is known internationally for her beautiful aprons and blessing jars.
        She is known, in my vivid memory as the woman who reduced me to tears on more than one occasion. I know her as the woman who stole my heart, and every now and then tried her hand at breaking it. I know her as the woman who loved others deeply, and loved to a depth where she needed to challenge and risk great loss. In my relationship with Angela, I just kept coming back for more and she was always there, waiting for me.
        We often speak of how being with others who know weakness allows us to touch our own weakness, and this was certainly true in my relationship with Angela. She herself had lived life to the edge, and she took me there with her – in the weakness, in the violence, in the utter sadness, in the darkness and then – in the joy. Angela’s joy could overtake her entire body – her feet would dance, her wrists would move in circles, her tongue would stick out and her face would turn red. It was as if every fibre of her being was involved in what she was feeling. She was unafraid to share her joy – to repeat the cause of her excitement several times over – allowing her light to shine brightly.
            I know for certain that Angela would have appreciated the ‘party’ that’s been taking place over the last few days. She would have loved ‘the beautiful flowers, the pretty dresses, the stories and the songs.’ She would have loved the opportunity to pray together and to talk about God within us. She would have loved the candlelight and the cards. But perhaps most of all, Angela would have enjoyed ‘the good friends, the family’ – all those who have phoned, sent messages, traveled to be here – people who obviously shared in her light.

        And, Angela’s light will continue to shine – as the stories continue, as the songs linger, as we are able to bask in joy and beauty and find in our relationships the depth that comes with true love.
Despite the darkness that may linger with so many of us, Angela’s message was so clear “It’ll be ok. Don’t worry about it.”

        I leave you with a poem that Angela and I often read before she went to sleep – Angela’s beautiful life was her message – showing that the darkness will pass and beauty remains.


The night will never stay,
The night will still go by,
Though with a million stars
You pin it in the sky;
Though you bind it with the blowing wind
And buckle it with the moon,
The night will slip away
Like a sorrow or a tune.

She's just tired...

That's how my mother (thank goodness!) would describe my ability to deal with stress.

Perhaps I should have asked her to call the ticket seller at the train station in Macon when he told me that there were no seats available on the trains to Paris.
And then he could have passed on the info to the attendants on the train from Lyon to Paris where I had to run back an forth on the platform with a 26kg pack on my back 3 times!!!

The result, naturally, was tears.

However. I am safe and sound at Charles de Gualle airport where I spent the night (don't worry Mum, it's being patrolled by military personel with machine guns!)


Much love, see you soon ,
Haley

Notes from Taize...

I have arrived safely at my final destination. (If you're unfamiliar with Taize, check out taize.org)

I was welcomed with a warm, simple meal and the company of people from different parts of the world (albeit, most people come from Germany or The Netherlands).

We gather for prayer 3 times a day, and in between we share meals, conversation and reflections on Bible passages as well as our own faith journeys.

Thus far, my impression is a positive one.

At times it seems like summer camp.
At times it seems like home.

I am taken by and thankful for the opportunity to gather so often in prayer, and I am inspired by the form in which it is carried out.

One of the brothers here said that he came to Taize many years ago searching for answers, and he ended up with even more questions. Of course, this seems to be the natural progression of a spiritual journey and I am thankful to be at this point on the road.
The dialogue that exists between us is what seems to keep us moving forward.

Many blessings!

Alles Richtig Gemacht.

It`s quite difficult to properly describe the last week.

It has been filled with a joy that certainly matches the trouble that I experienced throughout the fall. And it truly proves that we need darkness in order to appreciate the light.

During the past week I spent a great deal of my time smiling - feeling truly incredulous about all of the blessings in my life.

On Tuesday I ate breakfast by a glacier lake with Thorsten.

And then I had pizza for lunch.

In Italy.

Unbelievable.

In the afternooon I met up with Lucia in Bad Tolz... we then headed to Munich for dinner and an incredible jazz tango show with Joachim, Tobias, Corrinne and Nick.

The wonder of it all continued with a lovely stay at Corrinne and Nick`s apartment, and then of course a German sauna.

German saunas are completely different from Canadian saunas and they don`t involve bathing suits.

And then of course, we had to have a candlelight swim, complete with an outdoor pool and champagne in the middle of Alps.

Life is beautiful.

On Thursday I headed to Zurich and met up with a colleague who quickly became a friend.

My last year of high school I headed to New York City with my friend Stephanie. We toured the United Nations and met a lovely young man from Switzerland.

He and I kept in touch over the last few years, he translated my German and Italian songs and I tried to keep him updated on life in Canada.

Of course, I`m not someone to miss out on a chance to visit someone in Zurich...

So, Manuel engineered a brilliant plan to try to ensure that I saw as much of Switzerland as possible.

Zurich, Lucern, Interlaken, Wengen, Bern...mountains and lakes, traditional Swiss food and Swiss banking...

But I think that perhaps I enjoyed the company the most!

Oh yes...the breathtaking moment for Friday goes to Jungfrau, the highest peak in Europe.

Friday evening I met up with Anna. She kept me up until very late watching a rock concert.

Today we toured Basel, happened upon a rehearsal for a choral concert, stood in 3 different countries at once and ate at the Blinde Kuh.

Unbelievable. All of the servers are blind and you eat in total darkness. I think that it will take me a little more time to reflect on such an experience. For now, all that I can say is unbelievable.

As has been the case throughout my travels, my welcome in Switzerland has been incredibly warm and I will be sorry to leave. I`m so thankful for the opportunity to visit and get a taste of where other people `come from`.

And tonight I`ve kept Anna up late so that I can post to my blog and post pictures to webshots (webshots.com, search for haleystravels).

Tomorrow. Retreat.

Guten Nacht.

Haley.

...never met a Joachim I didn`t like...

Since my last post, I`ve traveled from

Amsterdam (where I finished up my tour of the red light district and shared a lovely Valentine`s dinner with my host Ramon)

to Munster (where I delighted in the company of Jenny, Joana and Daniel -we drank Jack`s homemade dandelion wine -imported all the way from Cape Breton, we celebrated a birthday and we danced and danced and danced)

to Munich (where I took the train to because I slept through the station where I was supposed to get off the night train...)

to Schwabmunchen (for plenty of good food -as usual- with Lucia`s family)

to Kochel (a small town in Bavaria that has proven to be absolutely amazing! Lucia and I are staying with friends Angi and Bene. Last night Ange invited me to tag a long with her to her choir practice. It`s something very special to realize that singing is such a universal art, and I felt very welcomed and content as we sang together. Afterwards we sang and drank beer at a local Bavarian restaurant, I chatted with a cabinet maker who has been to Canada over 10 times- mostly hiking in such northern places as the MacKenzie Trail, and a man who makes window blinds-I`ve never met a person who makes window blinds before!
They both paid for my beer and apfelkuchen, and then another of the choir members offered to show me around the region today! Unbelievable!!

The weather has been beautiful since I arrived in Germany, and I`m so thankful for the generosity and kindness that I`ve encountered.

Life is rich!

Alleluia!!

"In Amsterdam the water is the mistress and the land the vassal..."

..."throughout the city there are as many canals and drawbridges as bracelets on a Gypsy's bronzed arms..."

I arrived safe and sound in Amsterdam yesterday afternoon.
Since then it seems as though I have been doing a "sketchy pub crawl" through this interesting city...
Please forgive my naivete...this afternoon as I was meandering through the streets and between the canals, I looked up and noticed a very-close-to-naked woman standing in her window.
"That's funny..." I thought "...she must have forgotten to close her curtains..." I continued on, and yet another woman was standing in her window very-close-to-naked.
"That's funny..." I thought "...perhaps they don't have curtains in Amsterdam..."
And. Then. I. Noticed. The. Red. Lights.

Riiiiiiight. Of course. The red lights. Very rarely does my meandering take me into such sordid districts, but seeing as a great deal of Amsterdam is taken up by the Red Light District , I believe it was an honest mistake.
Still... I think that my mother would insist that we buy those poor girls some curtains for their windows...and perhaps some housecoats!

The weather here has been dreary, and while I saw an interesting exhibit at the Nieuwe Kerk called "Hidden Afghanistan" and toured through the Anne Frank House, I'm incredibly thankful to have a 'home' to return to at the end of the day.
This is my first attempt at couchsurfing, and my host is amazing!
Several years ago, he did a tour around the world under the guise ''Let me stay for a day'' (you can check out the website). So now he's paying back the favour, and aside from his one crazy cat (the other just sits next to me while the crazy one runs around) the stay is perfect.
A beautiful flat that overlooks the water, my own key, and a very comfy couch.

Now that I've oriented myself I think that tomorrow will be filled with even more adventure!

tot ziens
Haley

Paris. Jour 2 et 3

-Sunday morning mass at St. Eustache (beautiful classical music with organ and full choir!)

-a looooong walk with a 23kg backpack, and finally arrival at my hostel!

-meander through the streets of Paris

-Mosque de Paris (just the outside)

-Jardin des Plantes (not too many plants this time of year!)

-Le Menagerie du Jardin des Plantes -that's right! A zoo!! And there were big cats, and alligators, and lots of chevres (that's goats!)

-meander along the Seine

-crepe with chocolat au maison

-more meandering, and then I met up with an Algerian computer technician.

We wandered to...

-the Pantheon

-le quartier Latin

-back and forth along the bridges, and finally watched the light show on the Eiffel tower

-crepe dinner in the Latin Quarter

-and then home to my hostel, with Julene, Marcello, and Lucas (a Venezulan choir director, a Chilean doctor and a Brazilian student)

Monday, Monday....

-tried to visit the Catacombs, but they were closed :(

-walked, and walked and walked...

-Eglise St. Sulpice

-Eglise St. Germain de pres

-all the way along the Seine


-Seine boat tour



-Eiffel Tower!!!!!!







-a delicious crepe with Nutella


-back home to my lovely hostel mates!

Paris. 1 Jour.

(In point form, because I couldn't find a cybercafe yesterday!)

-Longest line EVER for the RER from the airport.

-Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

-Great hotel (thanks for the recommendation Melissa!)

-As per many of my travels, I walked and walked and walked.

-St. Eustache

-La Louvre (just the outside, because they say that you need 9 months straight to see the entire museum)

-Champs d'Elysses (where I sat on a bench to eat a baguette and was accosted by a Parisian Jehovah's witness. 'Do you know Jesus?' she asked. 'Yes' I replied. 'Do you read the bible?' 'Yes' I replied. 'Do you know that one of God's names is Jehovah?' 'Yes' I replied. 'Au revoir' she said. I suppose I wasn't a very good audience for her)

-bought a mobile phone. Ooooh!! Now I have a mobile phone from Paris!!

-L'Arc de Triomphe (of course, I didn't go to the top, because I would have had to pass back by the guy selling paintings who tried to hit on me the first time through)

-and then I wandered (that's usually my favourite part)

I had walked all the way from the 1eme rondissement to the 17eme. Then I took the metro to Montmartre, looked at Sacre Coeur from a distance, wandered a bit more, and headed back to my hotel.

As usual, the most interesting part of the first day was all of the people I met. Parisians who helped me find my way, corrected my pronounciation of 'tartelette aux framboises',

The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one's own country as a foreign land.”

And so it is.

The latest journey begins, here is the tentative itinerary:

8Feb-12Feb Paris
12Feb-14Feb Amsterdam
14Feb-16Feb Munster
17Feb-20Feb Munchen
20Feb-22Feb Zurich
22Feb-24Feb Basel
Then Geneva and
24 Feb -2 Mar Taize

Whew.

Live every day. Forgive everything. Love with abandon.

There's a field at Glen Loch that's filled with daisies. They grow up amidst the gravel and when you sit in the middle of them it feels as if the entire world disappears.

Several months ago, it would have been the perfect place to be. But these days, the last thing that I want to do is escape from the world.

Life...is...succulent.
The sun has been shining, I am surrounded by good, honest people, and my days and nights have been filled with a good balance of rich conversation and deep quiet.

I'm feeling able to love abundantly and with abandon.

And I'm feeling loved.

“And, behold, two of them went that same day to a village called Emmaus, which was from Jerusalem about threescore furlongs.”

This week I walked to Emmaus.

Not literally, but the much-awaited retreat spoke a lot about the journey. And it has been a journey.

We had the privilege of visiting two of my most beloved places before the retreat began - Ottawa and Kingston. We visited, went to question period at the House of Commons, ate beavertails, visited some more, explored and enjoyed a great deal of good food.

More than anything however, I was reminded of how rich I am for all of the good and solid friendships that I have made along the way of my journey.

“What makes humility so desirable is the marvelous thing it does to us; it creates in us a capacity for the closest possible intimacy with God”

I can't really explain what it's like to live here.





More specifically, I can't explain what it's been like to live through the past 5 months.


I've lived through a vast shortage of assistants, numerous assistants coming and going, an incredibly (and I do mean incredibly) diverse team of assistants, many behavioural and interpersonal conflicts, many incidents that have resulted in a break down of trust and the list goes on and on and on... (and that's just in Orangedale.)





And tonight, Silas asked me what I had learned from it all.





I think that when I arrived here last September I wrote a list of all of the things I had discovered or learned in the short period of time that I had experienced L'Arche Cape Breton.





Certainly, this is not a final version (by any stretch of the imagination) but it perhaps attests to the fact that I am forever learning...

• It's all relative - friendship, love, time, patience
• It is possible to fall in love in the matter of a few short days... it is also possible to realize that the love you seek to feel for another person must always (and only ever) be the same love that you try to feel for all of humanity - it has nothing to do with "like"
• People will leave. They will not come back. They will go to exciting and interesting places. The dishes must still be done.
• Friendship comes in all shapes and sizes. It even (and especially) comes from the woman who bites her hand and spits at you and the woman who tells you to "Fuck off" every night before bed.
• We hurt the ones we love.
• No one tells you that during your early twenties you will experience the most excruciating inner turmoil that you have ever encountered. Or perhaps that was just for me.
• "I am in the world to change the world." But I am not necessarily in the world to save dying AIDS babies in Africa. Perhaps more importantly: "We can do no great things, only small things with great love." I may be here to make someone smile for half an hour, or celebrate a birthday, or share good conversation, or share no conversation at all - just share time.
• Removing myself entirely from all of the things that I love taught me about the things that I truly love and truly need.

• Much of it is all about the depth of living and recognizing simple abundance.

Those Who Hear Not the Music Think the Dancers Foolish...

We had a physiotherapist come in at the end of September and give us (and by "us" I mean "me") some hints on how to move with Angela in order to avoid back injury.

Now, I feel like we're dancing all the time...

"We all have disablities, some of us just wear them on the outside" - Angela Cormier

My last week has been spent in the company of one, Ms. Angela Cormier.
And it's been splendid.

We've been spending our vacation on PEI, and for the first time in my life I've come face to face with the issue of accessibility.
The fact of the matter is that the world is not accessible for my friend Angela. I originally thought that this would make me disappointed. Instead, it just made me angry.

I made me angry when I could find parking. It made me angry when we got stuck in an old wheelchair lift. It made me angry when we could only get to the first floor of an historic site. It made me angry when we couldn't get into a restaurant. And it made me angry numerous more times throughout the week.
However, there was respite in the facilities that went out of their way to accomodate Angela. Kensington Water Gardens gave us free admission. Northumberland Ferries gave us personal assistants to load and unload our van. The Birches at Ben Eoin did our laundry.
So perhaps these establishments help to soften the blow from the rest of the world.

The truth is, Angela is a strong, intelligent, incredibly patient, beautiful person.

She deserves a world that she can access.

For Uli...

“A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”

And I have arrived home.

The last few days of my travels included climbing to the top of a mountain in the Alps.
That's right, the Alps.

After my return, I had two days to regroup and then headed off on community vacations with a 15 passenger wheelchair van and 5 other traveling companions.

I'm currently in a hotel room in Cape Breton as Angela's "date" and personal assistant.

However, while I'd like to be musing on the adventures/misadventures of my travels and what I love about being home, I have much heavier topics on my mind.

First, I encourage you to read my sister's most recent blog entry : keepthefaithgowithgod.blogspot.com

The recent events in Israel and Lebanon leave me with a very heavy heart and a lot of disappointment in an International community whose actions are dictated by one "puppetmaster" nation.

If I see or hear Condoleeza Rice once more, I might become physically ill.